Bless me Father for I have sinned, it has been over a year since my last confession.

Well where am I at?
I spent a year in counseling to deal with the coprophilia issue, eventually I realized that wasn't the biggest thing in my life, but I still got issues.

I go in and out of worrying I am going to get caught for looking at the wrong photos, or reading the wrong stories online.  I don't think I seek things out, but I worry that in my haste I'm not always careful.

I noticed just a little bit ago that someone had commented on here once. I  have spent a few weeks thinking about this kid... and it makes me really sad to think that he believes he is somehow sinful just because of this issue.  To be clear, I don't think I am sinning by being into scat or anything else for that matter... I think I am "sinning" because it keeps me from believing in myself, from acting with integrity and honesty, it keeps me insecure and non-social, self centered (in my contempt) and bitter/resentful. It keeps me focused on parts of a person rather than the whole...    But those are the sins, not being into kinky sex.  They are societal sins, we are taught to hate the things that are different, we are taught to try to be something we are not, and to dislike ourselves for never achieving "perfection" and "normality"  which aren't real things.  So if you ever come back, please please please know that you are not bad or sinful because you like shit (or anything else).  People have liked shit since people existed.  Its what we make of ourselves that is the real test.   I blame myself for acting out of my insecurity.  You don't have to make the same choices I made...  be loving and kind.  Know that there are people out there with the same desires and that indulging in harmless fun is not something you should be ashamed of...   I wish I could be there.  I am determined to someday not be ashamed. 

I am also wondering a lot lately if my porn habits have lead to unrealistic expectations of a relationship.   They say common symptoms of porn are things like voyeurism, trophy-ism, objectification  and I don't think I do these things in public to a degree that is harmful... my female friends don't complain, in fact they find it odd when I do act like that.  But maybe part of my trouble with getting into relationships is that I have ideas of perfection from porn that can't be appeased in the 2 minutes that I am making snap judgments.  Maybe its not just that it satisfies sexual needs, maybe it also causes impatience in my seeking behaviors.

oh well... this is all lust and sloth

I hope you are well...